During one of the darkest nights in my childhood I ran thru the rain. I was soaked tears running down my face. I felt so alone an hopeless. It was dark but I couldn't go home. I was shivering uncontrollably when I saw the light. I went inside to get warm and realized it was a Christian reading store. I always felt so judged in those places. I had tried many religions but I could never live up to the expectations of the church and it felt wrong that I couldn't be accepted 4being me. I had seen Angels around me so I knew god didn't hate me. I actually thought and felt he liked me. Sadly some of his followers disagreed. I felt if god was as horrible an judgemental as they were I wanted nothing to do with either of them which made being around those places uncomfortable. That night as I wandered shivering an getting warm thru the shelves I came across a poem that rang very true to me at that moment and it has become my life mantra. Whenever I have been hurt, broken, feeling hopeless if I recite it to myself I always smile.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all up hill.
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
If care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but dont you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt.
You never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit....
I left that store with hope in my heart. Without hope I had nothing. Just to clarify im not anti God in fact in my religion he is a consort to the goddess and they both love and accept me 4 who I am. At that time in my life I just couldn't handle the constant guilt and pressure the church seemed to dish to me about not being good enough. The universe never felt cold to me, the energy I came in contact with was contradictory to what I was being told. I realized later it had never judged me just loved me. I believe all roads lead to the same mountain. Everyone is on their own path to get there an I respect that. I hope others can do the same.
So mote it be :)