When Michelle and I finally met, she responded to that innocence inside of me. She saw past the damage, and the disorder. She took the chance and looked deeper than she had any reason to. Every day I question whether someone who has lived the life I had to and has done the things that I have deserves to be loved. For the last ten-years she has never asked me to deserve her, she just loves me as I am and accepts me.
I went through hell. There is no nice way to put it. That doesn’t matter anymore. I have the life I always dreamed of as a child. I am loved. I am part of a family. I have a home. I may never be able to work a regular job. I may always be socially awkward. None of that matters, because I am loved. We had some pretty rough times over the years, and we lost each other for a little while. We never gave up completely, she never walked away.
It is my deepest hope that this book will show whoever reads it that what is happening now doesn’t matter. It passes, and it always will. If I can survive the miserable start to life I had, if I can find a mate who loves me because I am different not in spite of it then there is hope for anyone. Someone in a chat group that I am in told me, if you hadn’t been trapped in the dark for so long would you realize just how bright the light you are in now was? She was right. My darkness is passing; a lifetime of love, acceptance and peace lie ahead of me. I am very grateful for all I have now, but the most important thing is finally having a family that I can love with all my heart and know that love is returned.
Maybe the person reading this is just entering their dark time. Maybe they are living through something worse that I can describe in my books. I would tell them to stay strong even when it would be so much easier to surrender. I would tell them there is light, it can be shrouded to the point you start to lose faith but the light is there. It isn’t found in some celestial being. You don’t need to hope it exists when this life is finally over. The light, and the love is all around you and you do deserve it. It does get better. Believe in yourself, and believe that with patience and strength you can survive long enough to enjoy it as I am now. Don’t lose faith in people. They might let you down, hurt you, or insult you. It’s because they are dealing with their own darkness too. Never surrender your ability to love as if you have never been hurt. Never close your heart, and always be willing to feel for others even if they don’t return the favor. It gets better
thought all my autistic friends might like this oddly enough this mans wife shares my name :)